Friday, October 24, 2008

For Ma...

Ten years ago today, we lost my mom to cancer. She was just 54 and had the most beautiful spirit. I am blessed she was my mother.

When she died, our family had already lost my grandmother and grandfather within the last 15 months, and would have another unexpected family tragedy three months later (when my cousin Zondie was hit by a car and killed on her way to school). I finally wrote something about that time that I've been wanting to write for years (see blog titled:
Death and Life). Because of all of the loss, 10 years ago was a very dark time in my life...and this date, 10 years ago, was the darkest of all days. I was by her side when she took her last breath...and it has taken me a while, but I have caught my breath..and exhaled.

For the first few years, this "anniversary", mother's day, and her birthday were very tough days for me. I would cry unexpectedly and just felt lost. With time, the darkness I felt on those days has decreased, but it is never easy.

It's been 10 years....and that's hard to believe. I've been beat from a crazy schedule so didn't even think about it first thing this morning, although it's been on my mind off and on all year. 10 years. Not possible. But yet true. 10 years. A lot has happened. She didn't get to hold Jaren but we honored her and Zondie by giving Jaren a unique middle name: Jozondi. She didn't see me finish graduate school and get my Ph.D. but she made it happen. She was my inspiration and knowing what it would mean to her kept me dedicated. She didn't see me buy my first house...which for those that knew Ma understand that is huge, seeing she would have been the one to sell it to me ;-) she literally made it possible. But she knows all this I'm sure. I just want the rest of the world to know it. Thank you Ma. I love you.

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